A Change of Heart....When a Child Means More Than Your Silly Pride.

 I want to start this post off with some verses from the Bible about pride.

Proverbs 11:2 - When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
                           but with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 13:10 - Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Proverbs 16:18 - Pride goes before destruction,
                            and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Ecclesiastes 7:8 - Better is the end of a thing than its beginning,
                             and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.


  We all want to be proud. Proud of our children, proud of the good things we've done. We want others to be proud of us. It gives us that gooey feeling in the pit of our stomachs to please those we admire. But what if our pride comes at a cost? And what if that cost is the well being of a child? Do we keep up our dukes and keep fighting for our pride? Asserting our dominance and insisting that our ways must be done? Or do we look at that child and see the damage we've caused due to our pride?

  I had the pleasure today of actually speaking to my husbands ex-wife, Michelle. Yes, we all know that none of us get along very well and that things have been horrible in the past. But I assure you, only kind words were exchanged between us and the subject stayed on topic. The topic was my husbands daughter. He doesn't get to see her very often and his daughter is just broken by this. Michelle has apologized for her actions and is now willing to work with us for the sake of her daughter. I honestly hope that she is sincere in all she said today and that she will stick to it. I am willing to put everything behind us and stop harboring it just to ensure that Emmalee can have a reasonably normal (whats that right?!?) life. I have to admit that my anxiety level sky-rocketed and I wasn't sure I wanted to put myself in a situation that could very easily turn ugly, but I need to be able to discuss Emmalee and her well being. And the best person to do that with is the one person that is with her almost all the time and knows her better than anyone else ever could. Her mother. So I accepted the conversation and it was nice and full of much needed insight and knowledge.

  I hope that we all can maintain a civil and friendly relationship between us for the sake of this little girl. I hope that all the petty arguments and name-calling will stop and never occur again. We need this to work! Because seriously I cannot live the rest of my life the way the last four years have been. I want to grow a bond with this little girl and I want to be in her heart as a part of her family. Just as she is already in my heart. I look forward to having a relationship with her and doing things with her. I just want calm waters for all involved. Life is so much easier when its peaceful.

 Our children are everything to us. How they turn out reflects on us. What kind of things did we teach them? Did we raise them up to be decent human beings? Are we even decent human beings? I want to show my children by my own actions how to treat others and how to live their lives and I can't do that if I'm hanging on to my pride. So I'm letting it go. I'm forgiving all past mistakes and I am going to let my guard down (which is not a very easy thing for me to do at all) and let this lady in and we are going to work together for the benefit of all. I know that only God could have brought us to this point and that all my praying has apparently just been answered. I hope that He will continue to guide and lead us and I know that if we just keep His commands in our hearts we can make this work. Who's with me?!?